Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
