Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
