I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
