If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I want a musical about memes.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
