dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
