I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
