She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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