I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
