I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
