People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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