I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
