If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
