one two three fourrrrnication!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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