That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
