if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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