I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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