That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
