so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I deserve this hangover.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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