you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
