Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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