today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
