Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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