Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
