I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
