Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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