My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
