Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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