You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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