the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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