you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize