i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize