I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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