I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
