dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize