you turned your livingroom into a bong?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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