then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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