last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
