He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
