Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
