theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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