You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
