If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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