He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
