I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
