If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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