I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
