my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
