I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
