omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
