i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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