Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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