i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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