Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize