You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
