I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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