brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
