Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
