What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
