I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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