I just threw up on my dentist
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
