You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
