I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
