Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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