i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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