instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
