The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he shaved USA in his pubs
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
