EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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