He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize