I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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