chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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