Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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