He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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