He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Randomize