Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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