why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
