After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
