now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
organizing the empties. That sober.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize