Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
