halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
