I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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