Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
