I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
