There is no way he is gay with that hair.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
